Lately I've been reading John Warner's "My Life in the New York Times" series at The Morning News. Hilarious guy--think McSweeney's (just as clever without being as wordy) meets David Sedaris (just as funny and sarcastically charming without being as gay - which he's not, not that there's anything wrong with that).
Here's a sample of some of his work, taken from "Bombing with Jai Al-Leno", a column written from the point of view of, you guessed it, the large-chinned, squeaky-voiced funnyman host of the Tonight Show, Al-Jazeera edition.
[Jai Al-Leno]: "Let’s see what’s happening over in the Evil Empire. Oh yes. Because of the bombing — that would be the bombing in THIS country, by the way — they postponed the 53rd Annual Prime Time Emmy Awards in Los Angeles. [audience: "awwwwww"] That’s right. That’s right. But we had to cancel some big entertainment events in Afghanistan Sunday night, as well. For instance, over in the football stadium, they had to postpone the Taliban’s Seventh Annual Marching of the Women Who’ve Committed Adultery and Shooting Them In the Back of the Head Festival. [laughs] You should have seen the dress Bjork was planning on wearing to THAT." [cheers]
Yes, sir. And best of all, he's a teacher at Clemson. Yes, Clemson. Or "HarvardPrincetonYaleMITBerkeley of the South" as I like to call it.
To this I say:
Him getting hired the year after I leave is kind of like seeing the guy in line directly in front of you getting the last whatever it was you wanted or running into an ugly ex-girlfriend that suddenly got a lot prettier. But still, anything that makes my degree worth that extra .001 cent...
By the way, if you look him up online you'll find there's a major irony in my summary of his style. I would tell you, but that wouldn't be any fun, now would it?
Warner's first book, co-authored with Kevin Guilfoile, My First Presidency: A Scrapbook by George W. Bush