I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about my wardrobe and jewelry, then I like to discuss my collection of expensive cars.

In two recent posts my friend Lincoln brings several essential facts to light, including which of your favorite authors wrote in the nude and, perhaps even more important, what a certain large rapper was really saying.

A sample, from Notorious B.I.G. Lyrics Translated:

"As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with women of all kinds, including but not limited to those with limited intellect, nude magazine models, and prostitutes. [...] Although I am extremely unattractive, I am able to engage in these types of sexual acts with some regularity. Perhaps my sexuality is somehow related to my fancy and expensive jewelry."

And:

"I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo. Apparently, women enjoy this also because they become sexually aroused when they see me driving. Oddly enough, when I visit the Native American reservations, some of the more sexually promiscuous Indian women attempt to seduce me in their homes. Their intent is to divest me of my earnings. Such actions are unacceptable."