Wednesday, July 12

The biggest idiot on the internet (bold words, I know -- but let me explain)

So I just stumbled upon this link at The Morning News today. Apparently a pro-life blogger, upset by an upbeat editorial written by a woman planning to have an abortion, wrote this heated response.

The thing is, the article he was responding to was published in 1999.

In The Onion.

What happens next is the creation of quite possibly the funniest series of internet dialogues I've ever read.

After receiving the hundreds of comments (most of them funny, a couple just plain mean), Pete, the blog's author, finally realized the err of his post and disabled commenting. Fortunately some industrious individuals decided to save them.

Most of the messages are of the "Pete, you're a real fucking idiot" variety, which are funny in their own right, but my favorites are ones are those that egg him on.

Some of the gems:

"That's beautiful. I mean, the Onion is consciously working to create satire and yet you outdid them by writing an absurdly funny article without even knowing it!"


"I promise you, I'm honestly curious. Are you a little bit embarassed for misinterpreting The Onion? Who pointed this article out to you? Or have you read the e-magazine before, always taking it seriously? Do you believe us when we say it's not? Please, drop me a line."


"Wow, you're obtuse! But I won't criticize you; I'll pray for you."


"I'm pro life, but sweet Jesus you're an idiot. For your next post, how about a passionate speech on the need to immediately free Prince Albert from the can?"



I tracked down Caroline Weber and I asked her, point-blank, if she had written the article that appeared in The Onion.

And she admitted that she had, indeed, written said article. In fact, she told me, she LOVED writing that article because she knew it would upset people in the pro-life movement.

Caroline Weber is a woman of loose morals. I know because I then propositioned her and she consented to have sex with me on the spot. (I was testing her.)

I pretended to be interested. After all, she is an attractive woman and it took all of my Jesus-given strength to resist her "charms" (those being a set of very perky breasts and an attractive, round and firm derriere). And I asked her if she was using any form of birth control and/or should I be using a condom.

She said, "Not at all! I hope I get pregnant again so I can abort another one of God's children!"

This woman has Satan inside of her. Somewhere. Maybe down there.

Anyway, just wanted to back up your post. Your take is dead on, Peter.

Jesus loves you."


"You tell 'em Pete!

Don't listen to these liberal pinko shmucks telling you that this is some sort of 'satire'. You've done a thorough and impressive job of debunking this Miss Weber bitch and those communist babykilling faggots know they don't have one single idea or argument that can stand up to your rigorous intellectual scrutiny. Their only hope now is to whine 'But we were only joking' like the crybabies they are and try to make you look like some sort of dumbass. Pay no attention! Real Americans can spot the truth a mile away, you mark my words."


"All those people are saying 'The Onion is satire' to throw you off the trail, Pete. Don't believe them. The Onion is a respected online journal - as it says in their masthead, 'America's finest news source.'

Keep up the good work, my friend."


"I normally pride myself on my tolerance. But Christ, you are a fucktard. And God hates you, he told me so."

The sad thing is that Pete, after sifting through his mountains of comments and probably consulting every person he knows, has now taken the ridiculous stance that not only was his post intentional, but that it itself was satire. "Either way," he writes, "I think I did a good job of turning the 'satire' right back at them, don’t you?"


I don't really know what to say to that. In fact nothing more needs to be.


barista brat said...

oh. my. guinness.

that was unbelievable.
thank you for bringing this gem to our attention.

James said...

Anytime, Brat. If you haven't been to the site since then, he recently updated the post with a picture of a bloodied fetus at the top. This guy...

barista brat said...

i imagine the dude asking "what has two thumbs and post pics of a bloodied fetus on his blog?"

then points to himself with his thumbs saying "THIS GUY!"

James said...

Heh heh.

Harry the Hire said...

Hey yeH,
everyone has drifted off for a time - work and heat and other things, like wine, have kept me otherwise engaged. I hope you are enjoying your last summer before Colombia.

I did pop in and see your Coastal Road trip pics. Did you by any chance pay a visit to a place called Mavericks? It is one of the all-time best big wave spots in the world. I've dreamed of it ever since I was a little boy, and where do I end up living my life? 100 km inland from the fucking Baltic sea bathtub. Pro surfer Mark Foo died at Mavericks about ten years ago in 20 ft swell. Didn't look like the Pacific was turning it on though, from your pics.

When you head east can you drop in on Robb and see if he hasn't been cut up and turned into door stoppers by some psycho' neighbour with loose hinges.

James said...

Thanks for the message, Evan. Unfortunately I did not get a chance to see Mavericks. It sounds to me like a really interesting place though. But then again any place dangerous enough to kill a pro surfer usually does.

I'll send Robb your regards in person, because apparently that's the only way we're going to find him these days.

Benny said...

Jimby, is that you leaving tracks all over my Sitemeter? If so, I'm expecting a blog post like, yesterday!

And tell Robb I said I miss him, too! :-)