Wednesday, May 3

With love from Ohio

Right now, I'm in Dayton, OH, having spent the last ten hours or so in a car with my parents. We drove up from Anderson, SC--a distance of around 500 miles. Surprisingly, we're not about to kill each other. This must have something to do with my sister getting wedded or my dad retiring. Either way, I'll take it. Another five, six hours to go tomorrow before arriving in Chi-town. Then it's off to my soon-to-be brother-in-law's (geezus that's a lot of hyphens) bachelor party. I think my role is to be a spy for my sister, but I don't know. I haven't decided my loyalties yet--whether I stick up for "one of the guys" or for the ole flesh and blood. Dilemmas, dilemmas.*

*(With apologies to Carissa for basically copying and pasting the beginning of this post)

Anyways, I'll try to document this momentus (sp?) occasion as best I can, for myself (I'm not gonna lie), but for you guys as well. Any good stories about your sister or brother's wedding? Do feel free to share.

And Benny, I'm working on that Bonnaroo piece, but not sure if it'll work for The Morning News or not. If anything I'll at least post it here.

OK, gotta get back to watching the Cavs/Wizards game. And no--I'm not joking. How can I not cheer for someone nicknamed "King James"?

LeBron James: making his last name and my first look good.


Harry the Hire said...

Hey yeh,


You're the first person I have been able to greet with an honest palindrome. Stepehen Fry said the only person he ever greeted with a palindrome was the banana boy at his hotel on a Carribean island ("yo banana boy"). I don't like bananas and I've never been to the Caribbean (I can't even decide how to spell it)

I was just listening to the tunes you sent me for losing the caption competition. Rough Gem sounded very New Romantics - some kind of hybrid orgy love-child of The Cure, The Smiths, Spandau Ballet and Human League. I was expecting something a bit more Sonic Youth fornicating three-waying with the The Stooges and Velvet Underground. I thought you would prefer a sweet melody if it were twisted and tempered with some in your face angst.
The second song was very much like a Violent Femmes song but I can't remember which one, the one with the brush sticks I suppose.

Trevor said...

I would serenade you with an a capella rendition of "the Drew Carey Show" theme song, on account of your being in his home state. But I won't, because I hate Drew Carey. And his theme song, which is stuck in my head.

Some fun Ohio facts: Ohio is the birthplace of several presidents, including McKinley, Garfield, and future commander-in-chief Zapbot 3000

Orville and Wilbur Wright are Ohio natives, who used their bicycle shop as a front for numbers running and bootlegging. Their famous invention of the airplane came about because Orville gre tired of climbing tall buildings to drop deadbeats off of and wanted a less strenuous method of disposing with his victims.

When Jesus rose from the dead, his first question was "Oh Christ, am I in Akron again?"

Ben Affleck is not from Ohio, but he could be if Jerry Bruckheimer produced it.

The State Legislature in Ohio regularly meets in an IHOP.

George W. Bush has been required by law to appear in Ohio at least once a week because the governor has incriminating photos of the president with goats and Fred Rogers.

Ohio spelled backwards is not "Oiho" but rather "Engelbert Humperdinck"

Benny said...

Jims, when are you ever "one of the guys"? I mean, seriously.


Benny xo

Anonymous said...

Did I mention that I too am disgustingly disappointed at my forthcoming absence at bonaroo? Did I also mention that I finished my 1st year (somewhat) unscathed? Did I mention that I like the line "love comes like Kennedy curse"? because I do.

Anonymous said...

Miss you dude. I owe you dinner.

The weather this week has been fucking spectacular. Say hello to Chicago for me, it's currently in possession of my heart and I'd like to know it's being well cared for.

James said...

A week's worth of correspondence in 100 words or so:

Light--glad you liked it. I thought it was very Animal Collective-esque--like if AC actually did songs.

Trev--Ohio!: My favorite musical by Rodgers and Hammerstein

B--I was "one of the guys" at the strip club the next night. More on this later!

E--You may have hipster tendencies (like not going to Bonnaroo but complaining about not going to Bonnaroo), but, according to that girl at the bar last night, "You look like a med student." Ouch.

Meave--Chicago was great--I think it may be my third favorite city. How's things with my evil twin?

Benny said...

You're allowed to write about a strip club ONLY if there are monkey-suit, corsage, and slicked-back-hair photos of the next day...

jenneral said...

No interesting stories from sibling weddings (none of them are 'hitched' yet), but I did faint on stage during my dad's wedding vows last year.

James said...

Guess I'm not allowed to write it up then, B. And I really wanted to share my Honeymoon in Vegas pics, too.

Swooning from the romance of tu padre, Jenn?