Tuesday, April 4

OMG WTF


A guy I met in Austin told me about this. Simply put, I think it may be the best thing ever invented. A robotic monkey head--I mean, come on! Just click on the video section and prepare to be amazed.

Imagine the possibilities:

James' Recipe for His Super-Awesome High-Tech New York Apartment-To Be

Ingredients:
1 Robotic Monkey Head
1 Roomba automated cleaning device
1 Shitty Yamaha Keyboard
1 Cute Dog
A strong adhesive

Instructions:
Situate ingredients within a large enclosed space. Attach robotic monkey head to Roomba. Press button on shitty Yamaha keyboard to activate shitty preset techno beat to activate robotic monkey head to activate dog going apeshit.

Enjoy.

Note: Best if served for female company and with a side of carnival barker-esque showmanship.


I can hardly wait. It'll be like that game Mousetrap--you know the one with the pulleys and gadgets and shit--only better.

*Special shout-out to Sambot, Bostonian, for contributing to and nurturing this ludicrousness into fruition.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

i like shoutouts. they taste like marshmallows.

James said...

I like marshmallows; they taste like air.

Benny said...

I like "large enclosed space" in "New York apartment" -Jimby, you're not rich and famous already, are you??? Did I miss something?

James said...

Nice eye, B. Change that to "tiny-ass enclosed space". I just liked the sound of a large enclosed space. Makes me think of a zoo or something--which, in a way, is kind of what I'm going for.

Robb said...

So, how did good ol' Texas A&M State College University stand up to Columbia? If you go down south, you might actually get that large enclosed space. But it'll be a large enclosed space in Texas, and those are never as much fun.
So I'm about halfway through Kissing In Manhattan. It's pretty interesting. I could write an essay comparing the two Patricks, I think. There are lots of surface similarities, but that's where it ends.

James said...

Interestingly enough, Robb, I wrote up a lengthy post where I created an elaborate point system by which to quantifyingly compare o the two schools. This was done loosely using a March Madness basketball metaphor--which is to say, I just called it "March Madness", pitted the two schools vying for my affections against each other, and labeled the two parts of the post "First Half" and "Second Half".

Alas, this in-depth discussion has been postponed (perhaps indefinitely) due to the fact any old person can find it online, read it and then possibly think I'm a really big jerk. What I may do is just do a Texas vs. New York post instead, entirely ignoring the school factors.

Oh, and I'm going to Columbia. Go Lions!

Benny said...

Ever'thang's BIGGER in Tex-us, Jimby!

Kissing in Manhattan? That's the collection that wasn't Lucky Girls, isn't it? With the author that isn't Nell Freudenberger?

I prefer Simenon- Three Bedrooms in Manhattan. There's a classy piece o' work...

James said...

Of course, you wouldn't like it, Benny. But there are some quite good stories in it, at least in the beginning. Toward the end I'm not so crazy about it...

I've only read one story by Nell Freudenberger. I liked it.

angel said...

So you decided on Columbia, eh? Good choice, my friend. I'm applying for a job in NYC, but it pays crap, so we'll see.

Haha, why did you think my post was potentially dangerous, especially if I'm not interested in either dude? I think it's funny.

Really, San Francisco is one big sausage fest? Judging from your photo, I see you've assimilated quite nicely ;).

lighterate said...

if it's just a head we never get to see the kidney area

James said...

Thanks, Angel. I really try. I better watch what I'm wearing when I come back to SC though. Then I'd not only be Asian but gay as well--a double whammy. One more strike and the lynch mob might get involved. Better not tell them I only seem to date white girls.

Which is a shame, Light. Monkey kidneys are my favorite.

angel said...

Aw, we are growing up. When was the last time I saw you?!! I can't even remember. My sister used to occasionally relay awkward encounters with you on nights out in Clemson, but other than second-hand accounts, you exist to me only through this blog.

Will you ever be back in SC? Whatever happened to that time you came to Charleston and DIDN'T CALL ME?!

Ass.

James said...

I didn't think those encounters were that awkward, Angel.

By the way I love how you go from "aw" to "ass" in about a sixty words or so.

James said...

I never ended up coming to Charleston. The friend I was crashing with that night got really sick and I went down to Savannah instead. But none of that matters because you were supposed to call me!

angel said...

Um, no ... I definitely gave you MY number. I don't have your number. Ask my old man, he has my cell phone. Is there a James Yeh in the phone book? No. Because you were supposed to call me.

ASS.

P.S. I do what I want.

James said...

Well come out to SF during the summer or NYC this fall and I'll make it up to you. Meckie D's, Quizno's, or Subway--your pick. I'm high class, I know. You don't have to tell me.

angel said...

Wow, you sure know how to make it hard for a girl to say "no."

But, alas, I am a girl of taste (in fact, my British friends call me "poncy" when it comes to food, urbandictionary THAT) and I don't spell "good food" S-U-B-W-A-Y.

Trevor said...

The first time I saw that photo of the monkey, I had the following thought:

Father?...

James said...

Angel, Chicken Chipotle Subs. My treat.

Trevor, LOL.

James said...

Chicken Chitpotle Subs...IN NEW YORK.

Now that's an offer you can't refuse.

angel said...

No thanks, I think I'll pass.

How's that for a refusal?

Hee hee, just kidding. If I move back to the U.S. this year, I'll definitely hit you up in NYC. You're reserving some floor space for me to crash on, yah? (And don't be one of those guys who says, "Why the floor when you can be little spoon?" because I've known you since I was 5 and that would crazy awkward, borderline incestuous).

James said...

Rejected--before I even ask! I must really be losing my "mojo".

Angel, this is a perfect time for me to try out my future pick-up line: New York is a city of romance. Wanna fuck?

Just try and say no to that one.

glomgold said...

Fan-fucking-tastic. $130 though. Whew! Hope a remote controlled human head is next. It could be like that one Bloodhound Gang episode where there was a human head silhouette attached to a toy train b/t a lamp and the window. Remember?